Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
