i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
