come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
