What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
