Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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