There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
