Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
