ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize