Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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