your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
