i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
