***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
