All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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