ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can you bring me the toilet please
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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