he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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