he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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