Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
