I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
