my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think I am morally bankrupt
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
