I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
