also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
