Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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