She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
