what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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