She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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