I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
