Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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