Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
