I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
