So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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