I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
