What did we do last night that was yellow?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The uberlube is also flammable
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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