had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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