Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
