I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
