I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
