i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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