I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize