Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
