And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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