I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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