twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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