i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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