I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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