awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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