my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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