i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
