i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
