i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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