Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
