one might say we're banned from that church
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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