'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm at about main and main street
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
