i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
