I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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