I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
