Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and she was petting her beer can
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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