I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
