Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
