eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
