I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
