You smell like stripper and shame
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My liver is preforming stress tests.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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