Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
