We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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