We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
