Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
