belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
