I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there's paper in my vomit.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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