Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
