Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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