areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
