We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
