tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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