When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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