Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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