No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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