mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
