conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Found your dick twin last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
