I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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